Love Story

This is a true love story in which I am completely confused, therefore I ask for advice. Hi, my name is Lisa, I'm 25, married, no children. We met my husband 7 years ago, and this is the same case when two lonely souls found solace in each other. Together we achieved a lot, pulled out each other in everything, study, work, an apartment and even moving to another country. He still loves me madly, and I adore him, but alas .. like a brother. The husband knows this from the very beginning. Because of this, we have been arguing a lot over the past two years; I feel my libido fall, his self-esteem suffers even more. There are no other reasons for a divorce. Rather, it was not ..

It so happened that we temporarily live in different parts of the country, except that we spend one weekend a month together. When we moved, the question arose: either someone sacrifices his career, but we live together, or almost a year of separation, but everyone in the near future has an excellent job (there was no other option, believe me). We chose the second. Together they decided so. Everything went very well for a while, until it happened.

I am 17 again, butterflies are in my stomach. His name is Ilya, we met at work, after a few days I realized that I wanted to spend more time with him. I’m looking for any reason to meet again when we are alone - I’m just happy and want to turn these moments into eternity. At first there was frantic euphoria from communication, then the heaviness after parting and the anxiety that we would not meet again.

For the first time in 8 years, I fell in love. So much so that I can’t control myself. Tearing away over trifles, problems at work, at night I can’t fall asleep. Guilty feeling and unrestrained desire torment at the same time. The desire for love,  passion, and oddly enough, loneliness. At first, I want to decide only for myself, to manage my body and feelings the way I want, even if I suffer, but only from my love. The wings of freedom are cutting, and I want to fly on them!

I see that my desire is mutual. I see that there are many worthy girls around him, and I just feel like I'm wasting time. On his part there were attempts to start communication, but I reject them all, because conscience does not allow changing. Often I see how sad he is. He is sure that I love my husband and I have a perfect marriage, because I constantly repeat it. He is a romantic, like me, he treats me very warmly, shares food with me :) At work, I feel his shoulder, I know that he will support and help in everything. With Ilya, I can be myself and I’m not afraid to look funny.

I'm afraid to talk with my husband, I really do not want to hurt him. I'm afraid to lose the soul mate that I met with such a miracle. I don’t know how our parents will perceive it, who adore us, as we do them. In this story, many will become miserable, or I will lose myself.

In general, for myself, I decided for sure. Officially, we can only get a divorce in a year and a half (this cannot be changed in any way). And before that I do not know what to do. Tell her husband everything and put it all on him when he has such a difficult period in his life? Notify parents immediately or cheat them so much time? Stop cheating on Ilya and show how I feel? Or wait a bit while we both settle in this country, but lose love?

Thanks to everyone who has read up to these lines, I will be glad to any advice / opinion, who experienced similar things in life